Nothing much to add really. I'm just into the waiting game now. I'm hopless at waiting, I just want to get it over and done with, but I have to wait my turn. I don't begrudge it, after all there are many, many people much worse off then me, but it's just just there, in the background in every waking minute.

I had a bad night last night. It seemed that every time I laid down I got angina within a few minutes. I took my spray several times, but really there seems to be no real relief until I sit up. This wakes up my wife too, so she was looking tired this morning. We've never slept seperately before, but I'm seriously thinking of moving into the spare room if things don't improve, much as I hate the idea.

I still can't find an NHS dentist - they seem to be as rare as hens teeth, so it looks like I'll have to become someones private patient, and I can't tell you on here how much that rankles with me. The British system of dentistry seems to be still in the 30s as regards open access - there isn't any, f you want to be treated under the NHS! Of course if you become a private patient, they can see you next week. I suppose that's why I'm a van driver and my potential dentist rides home in his Mercedes.

I'd better be careful - I could become a fan of Trosky

Yesterday we went to have a look at the hospital that I'll be going to for the op. Its called Castle Hill Hospital in Hull. Actually, it's in a small town just outside Hull called Cottingham. It's much bigger than I realised and looks to be a series of ward bungalows, at least the bit we saw did. Anyway I put it into the sat nov for the car so that my wife could find her way there in the dark, as it will be in Jan.

Autumn days

Today has been one of those beautiful Autumn days. The rees are dropping leaves and the colours are lovely and the sun has been shining from a practically cloudless sky. Its been just the day for a long walk in the country, kicking leaves like a kid and just enjoying being alive. I couldn't do it though. The first reason was that i was at work, but also I can't take the cold air. I'm not sure why, but when the air gets chilly I'm pretty useless. So even if I hadn't been working I couldn't have done much about it - one of those thngs I suppose.

Actually, one of the reasons I enjoy my job (delivering to the motor trade) is that it gets me out and about. I get paid (but not nearly enough!)for pretty well enjoying myself

But next year - next year after this op - you just watch me go!

The surgeon

Well, today's the day! I see Mr Cale the cardio-thoracic surgeon today. I have no real idea what to expect, but I'm hoping for at least an idea of when I can have the op and get back to living a normal life. I'm just going to work now, but I'll post later today as to how it goes...Wish me luck!

Later:

Well we went to see Mr Cale and really it was a bit of a none event. It's strange isn't it, I don't normally care too much about my appearance, but to see this man I shot home and got changed into my best suit. Quite why I flt I had to is maybe a doctor could answer, 'cos I can't! Actually, I saw his registrar, a nice guy who's nationality I could really decide on, other that he was from the Indian sub continent. He expained carefully and understandably what was going to happen, how long the average stay in hospital is (about 7 - 10 days), and the procedure for the physiotherapy regime afterwards.

I'm still on the waiting list, now it sounds like it'll be about 3 months - so early January maybe. I was sort of hoping for a bit sooner, but it's not to be. My wife hit the nail on the head when she said that there are many, many more people who are worse than me and I'd just have to wait.
She's right, of course - isn't she always?

Tired?

We had guests down last night and I did something unforgivable, I fell asleep. In all fairness I'm pretty sure that it's all the tablets that I'm taking at the moment, and one of the (many) side effects of Ramipril is tiredness, but I felt awful. Ah well, thre's nowt to do about it now, as we say in Yorkshire.

Talking of tablets, I did a quick calculation and realised that I'm now taking 12 a day. Most of these are for Diabetes I suppose (Metformin, statins and a couple of others too) but I also take beta blockers for my heart too. I know I'll probably have to continue with these after the op, at least for a while, but when you consider that 5 years ago I wasn't taking any at all it seems to have been a pretty steep downhill ride. I hate taking pills, it's just another sort of restriction somehow. I seem to have traded one slavery (smoking) for another .

That sounds ungrateful, and I'm not, but I'd been well for so long that it comes hard to be needing to take pills again, especially so many of them.

Anyway, I've got another appointment with my GP tomorrow morning, and on Tuesday, the big one. An appointent to see Mr Cale, the surgeon. I hope to have something concrete to say after that. I'm writing down some questions for him to answer, but I bet I forget something critical.

Well, they got here...

...the pearls, that is. They came via FedX as promised and I have to say she was delighted with them. So am I. Its hard to think that only a few days ago they were on the other side of the world and now they grace my wifes neck.

A chance encounter

I had another blood test today, I think it's part of the Ramipril routine and to keep a general eye on me, so I took myself off to Asda again. as I was walking through the foyer I bumped into Pauline, the lady who took my smoking cessation class some 3 years ago. It was really quite a nice feeling to say that I was still off them. It is strange isn't it, I've become almost evangelical in my anti smoking views. I suppose theres nothing as smug as an ex smoker

Dreams

I had a really odd dream last night. I dreamed I was taking part in a cycle race! No kidding I had the full lycra bit and everything. Now as far as I know, they don't make lycra outfits in barrage balloon sizes - maybe it's one of those "sexual problems" from taking Ramipril!

A new drug

I just checked up on the side effects of Ramipril. They sound pretty interesting! Here's the list from patients UK: My brackets ( ) throughout

Along with their useful effects all medicines can cause unwanted side effects. These usually go away as your body adjusts to the new medicine. If any of the following side effects continue or become troublesome speak with your pharmacist or doctor:
Chest pain,(Huh?) fainting, loss of appetite, a sore or dry mouth, skin rashes, itching, hair loss, numbness in the fingers, confusion, anxiety, buzzing in the ears, balance problems, sweating, sexual problems,(how delighfully vague - what form would that take then?) muscle cramps, dry cough, a stuffy nose, sore throat, feeling sick, vomiting, indigestion, stomach pain, diarrhoea or constipation, headaches, dizziness, light-headedness, tiredness, problems sleeping, changes in taste, pins and needles, fever, muscle and joint pain, swollen ankles, flushing redness of the face or a fast heartbeat.
Important: Ramipril can cause sudden swelling of the tongue, lips, face and eyelids. If this happens contact your doctor or go to the accident and emergency department of your local hospital at once.
If you experience any other worrying symptoms, (other worrying symptoms! - could there be other worrying symptoms, after all that seems to cover most !)which you think may be due to this medicine, discuss them with your doctor or pharmacist

I'm not too bothered about hair loss - I'm pretty bald anyway, and sexual problems sound - er - intriguing, I'll just have to wait and see if any develop.

Kidding aside, I sure as hell hope they know what they're doing with these tablets

More testing

Well, it's Wednesday and the pearls haven't arrived as yet. I checked up on the fedx "track my parcel" site and the forecast for delivery is now Friday, still in time, but getting pretty close to the "do"

I got phone call from the docs today asking me to go for another blood test. I'm not sure why, but a change of medication may have something to do with it. I'm now taking Ramipril in my morning cocktail of drugs. I looked it up on Patients UK. and it seems that it's to do with kidney problems. This is what the site says about it:

It (Ramipril) is used to treat hypertension (high blood pressure) and to prevent heart attack or stroke in people who are at risk. It is also used to help treat heart failure and may be used to treat people with diabetes who have developed kidney problems.
Ramipril works by causing blood vessels to relax, lowering blood pressure and increasing the supply of blood and oxygen to the heart.

The last time my BP was checked it was pretty well ok, at least that's what they told me, so I'm hoping that it's just being used to help my heart and not because I have kidney problems too. Roll on Tuesday and lets get to see the surgeon. Maybe I'll have something solid to work on then. Just now everything seems to be vague somehow. I feel i need something to get hold of and fully understand

Walks by the sea and oyster contents..

It’s funny how thing go round isn’t it? My wife and I were talking yesterday of times past and times to come. She asked what I would like to do after the op. I thought of quite a few really, but one of the things I’d most like to do is go for a brisk walk around The Marine Drive at Scarborough on a windy day. I haven’t done it for years and I used to love it.

There’s something about the wind in your face and the waves crashing against the sea wall that just makes it magic. I tried a little while ago, but I’m hopeless in any wind at all at the moment. Angina just cripples me and I have difficulty in breathing too. All in all it’s a bit of a bugger! All this will change though – at least I hope it will – after the op.

Talking of long ago, nearly 40 years ago when we were courting I bought my wife some imitation pearls. They were nice, but they were imitation and I distinctly remember promising that one day I’d buy her some real ones. Well a promise is a promise and she has an important staff function coming up and – well I just wanted to say thank you to her for all the care she’s taken with me and … well, you know I just wanted to get them in case something goes wrong - and yes - I know it won't

Anyway, I’ve bought her some. She doesn't know yet, so if anyone knows her, don't say anything. They are real Japanese Akoya pearls, admittedly cultured, not natural, but I know she’ll love them. They should arrive on Wednesday and her work function isn’t until next week, so she should be able to wear them to it. I can’t wait to see her face!

This and that

I’m feeling slightly guilty at the moment. I’m glad to hear that my new found friend in Toronto, Peter, is doing well after his op, how I wish it were over for me too! haven’t posted anything to the blog and one or two things have happened. On the Monday after our return from holiday I had another meeting with my GP. She seems to be gradually stepping up the dose of one of the tablets, apparently they want me on to 20 mg a day by the time of the op.

I’ve been really worried about the words that my daughter and I exchanged on holiday. I feel it spoiled every ones week and I feel pretty bad about it. I invited al the family for tea and a chat yesterday and I think the air was cleared pretty well. One of the problems seems to have been that the kids have never really seen me when I’m having a rough time, and it frightened them both. It’s not surprising really, as I always try to hide it from them to avoid them worrying. Now both of them are grown up, though, maybe it’s time to change.

We do what we do from the best of intentions, but sometimes get it completely wrong. As I was labouring up that hill from the hotel both of my children (why is there no word for adult children – at least none that I know) saw how I struggled for the first time. Both were upset, but neither wanted to spoil the holiday either. We had all looked forward to it for a long time, but after talking to them all last night I know a few tears were shed about me, so I tried to explain to them both last night.

I think I got somewhere and I’m pretty sue the kids are ok with the idea of it now. Both were unsure about the difference between Angina and a heart attack, so I explained. I also took advantage to try to say the things I want to say to all my loved ones at the same time. It got a little emotional, but at least they are said and if the worst should happen everyone knows how much they mean to me. It’s strange how some things become really important to one, even though we normally take things for granted