How quickly we take things for granted. Today Marg and I went for a walk. We were out for about an hour-an-a-half or maybe two hours during which time we covered about four miles, completing the last bit in the teeth of a biting northerly wind and snow. Only six months ago this would have had me on my knees. People who know me know that I was unable to walk at any speed - even when we were relaxed and on holiday.
A look back to the post about our family holiday in Majorca would confirm that. A gentle slope would have me gasping for breath, a cool wind would produce an angina attack as surely as night follows day.
All this has changed. Now, my legs are likely to give up on me before my heart does, they certainly were aching by the time we got back today, but so were Margs, so that's not so bad. It all seems so long ago now, but it's only a matter of a few months. I still get the some chest pain, but generally I can cope with it, and it's from the cutting of the breastbone, not Angina. I'm pretty well off pain killers now and my major problem is sleeplessness, but again, I'm sure that will get better with increasing activity.
In short I now enjoy a new life. I have a couple of pretty impressive scars, and as I rarely wear a tie one of them could prove to be a talking point and the other won't be visible until I don my shorts. You may be waiting a long time for that!
My life has changed totally - and how quickly I'm taking it for granted, and how hard I have to try to remember the old days and appreciate the miracle that has been achieved.
Monday 24 March 2008
Sunday 23 March 2008
Insomnia
This is something new to me. I can't sleep. I've never had any trouble just dropping of at night but just this past week or so I have an awful game just getting to sleep. I thought it was a fluke at first, but it seems to be continuing. I went to the docs and he gave me some mild sleeping pills ("just take one as you go to bed for a couple of nights and you'll soon re-establish a sleep pattern") Well, sorry doc, this time your wrong.
I find myself wandering round the house at all hours of the night. Last night I was doing a tour of famous prisons via Google earth and I'm writing this as Marg is sleeping. I think it's about half past midnight. The pattern seems to be that I feel really tired while downstairs and come to bed at a normal time for us of 10.30 / 11.00 o'clock. Then suddenly I'm wide awake again. I have no idea why this should be and I don't even know if it's connected to the op, but it's driving me crackers!
While it would be wrong to say that I don't get a wink of sleep, I certainly aren't getting my full ration. I need at least six hours a night, and I'm better with eight. I'm just not getting them at the moment. Tonight in desperation took two of the tablets - result - nothing, which accounts for me tapping out on these keys at this time of night. Ah well, maybe I'll go for a look around Australia or somewhere for a change tonight.
I find myself wandering round the house at all hours of the night. Last night I was doing a tour of famous prisons via Google earth and I'm writing this as Marg is sleeping. I think it's about half past midnight. The pattern seems to be that I feel really tired while downstairs and come to bed at a normal time for us of 10.30 / 11.00 o'clock. Then suddenly I'm wide awake again. I have no idea why this should be and I don't even know if it's connected to the op, but it's driving me crackers!
While it would be wrong to say that I don't get a wink of sleep, I certainly aren't getting my full ration. I need at least six hours a night, and I'm better with eight. I'm just not getting them at the moment. Tonight in desperation took two of the tablets - result - nothing, which accounts for me tapping out on these keys at this time of night. Ah well, maybe I'll go for a look around Australia or somewhere for a change tonight.
Thursday 20 March 2008
The Gym...
Well the day of reckoning finally arrived. A little while ago I had been forcibly driven to the shops to buy some tracksuit bottoms (£5.00 Tescos best!) and sporting them complete with two go faster stripes down each leg, and feeling both foolish and as conspicuous as a porcupine in nudist colony, I went. One of the things that I hadn't taken into account was how much wearing trainers and cheap jogging bottoms generate static electricity. Everything metal that I touched seemed to preceded by a blue flash, a sharp crack and me swearing. I'll swear they could plug me into the National Grid and I'd make fortune!
In actual fact it wasn't so bad. We're all pretty much of an age sort of late fifties or early sixties, and at various stages of the scheme. We were met and taken to the gym where there is some pretty sophisticated equipment. Donning the heart monitor proved to be something of a challenge, as it fits in much the same way as a bra. Thank goodness I'm not a woman, I'd never manage! However after much fiddling and messing about I got it on and put on the "watch" reader. Simply putting the kit on raised my heart rate quite alarmingly! Afterwards I had my blood pressure taken (slightly raise at 140 over something or other) the the guy pulled a bit of face, but let me carry on
A charming young girl who looked to be about 12 arranged us around the gym on the various bits of kit. In all honesty the kit is pretty simple, mainly weights and medicine balls, and we started the drill. It seemed pretty easy at first, but soon I was sweating. After about a minute or so we all moved around the the next exercise and carried on. I was at my best doing the "gentle walk" and my worst lifting the medicine ball out at 45 degrees. By the time I'd been round all of the kit I was pretty pooped. We sat for a few moments, not still, you understand, we had to keep our feet moving and had a drink of orange juice. The we did it all over again.
They actually wanted the heart rate to be the same at the end as at the start, but mine refused to come down for quite a while and I was sent of on the gentle walk again. Maybe it was a flukey low reading to start with, but it never did, so I just took the monitoring kit off and joined the group again for the talk.
The talk was pretty interesting, about the benefits of exercise, and certainly gave food for thought. In England 70% of people lead sedentary lives, and it's getting worse. Just the amount of exercise that we did today lifted us out of that group and made us "active" - that's quite a thought.
In actual fact it wasn't so bad. We're all pretty much of an age sort of late fifties or early sixties, and at various stages of the scheme. We were met and taken to the gym where there is some pretty sophisticated equipment. Donning the heart monitor proved to be something of a challenge, as it fits in much the same way as a bra. Thank goodness I'm not a woman, I'd never manage! However after much fiddling and messing about I got it on and put on the "watch" reader. Simply putting the kit on raised my heart rate quite alarmingly! Afterwards I had my blood pressure taken (slightly raise at 140 over something or other) the the guy pulled a bit of face, but let me carry on
A charming young girl who looked to be about 12 arranged us around the gym on the various bits of kit. In all honesty the kit is pretty simple, mainly weights and medicine balls, and we started the drill. It seemed pretty easy at first, but soon I was sweating. After about a minute or so we all moved around the the next exercise and carried on. I was at my best doing the "gentle walk" and my worst lifting the medicine ball out at 45 degrees. By the time I'd been round all of the kit I was pretty pooped. We sat for a few moments, not still, you understand, we had to keep our feet moving and had a drink of orange juice. The we did it all over again.
They actually wanted the heart rate to be the same at the end as at the start, but mine refused to come down for quite a while and I was sent of on the gentle walk again. Maybe it was a flukey low reading to start with, but it never did, so I just took the monitoring kit off and joined the group again for the talk.
The talk was pretty interesting, about the benefits of exercise, and certainly gave food for thought. In England 70% of people lead sedentary lives, and it's getting worse. Just the amount of exercise that we did today lifted us out of that group and made us "active" - that's quite a thought.
Monday 17 March 2008
An introduction to the gym
Marg went back to work today. She's still not right, but insists on going back "to see how I go", I feel sort of lost without her being around. Its funny how it never crossed my mind that she would be around when I came out of hospital, but now she's disappeared, at least during the working day, I feel odd and maybe a bit vulnerable, but life goes on.
We're very lucky here in York as we have an active and well prepared cardiac recovery system. Today was my turn to find out about the gym work that I'll be doing over the next six weeks.
A small group of us met at mid-morning to be briefed on what to expect and what was expected of us. We'll all be examined as we do our workouts. We'll all be given a sort of belt affair to wear round our chests and a wristwatch that will measure our heart rate. We need to be careful not to get too close to our neighbour or the belt might pick up their heartrate too and add them together, causing some alarm and consternation. Also if the watch registers "zero" it means that the battery is flat, not that you're dead! Of course they won't be expecting us to be athletes, but to become fitter than we are. I'm quite looking forward to it really as it'll give me some focus for what are now becoming long days. I drove the car back from Margs work (so that I could use it to go to the meeting), and it's till quite painful even after a short distance. I'm hoping the gym setup will help with this because I'm now getting quite worried about my job. Van drivers are ten a penny, and I've now been off work since January, so you'll see what I mean. My employers have been great, but goodwill is a finite resource and I don't want it to run out.
Otherwise, there's not much else to report. I'm pretty sure that I am improving, but the rate of improvement is slowing down markedly. Oh well, we'll see how knackered I am after Wednesdays work out. I'll let you know...
We're very lucky here in York as we have an active and well prepared cardiac recovery system. Today was my turn to find out about the gym work that I'll be doing over the next six weeks.
A small group of us met at mid-morning to be briefed on what to expect and what was expected of us. We'll all be examined as we do our workouts. We'll all be given a sort of belt affair to wear round our chests and a wristwatch that will measure our heart rate. We need to be careful not to get too close to our neighbour or the belt might pick up their heartrate too and add them together, causing some alarm and consternation. Also if the watch registers "zero" it means that the battery is flat, not that you're dead! Of course they won't be expecting us to be athletes, but to become fitter than we are. I'm quite looking forward to it really as it'll give me some focus for what are now becoming long days. I drove the car back from Margs work (so that I could use it to go to the meeting), and it's till quite painful even after a short distance. I'm hoping the gym setup will help with this because I'm now getting quite worried about my job. Van drivers are ten a penny, and I've now been off work since January, so you'll see what I mean. My employers have been great, but goodwill is a finite resource and I don't want it to run out.
Otherwise, there's not much else to report. I'm pretty sure that I am improving, but the rate of improvement is slowing down markedly. Oh well, we'll see how knackered I am after Wednesdays work out. I'll let you know...
Sunday 9 March 2008
just thinking...
One of the things that enforced idleness does is give you time to think, and I've been doing a lot of that. Normally the world whizzes past as I drive from one place to another, but being unable to drive has somehow opened my eyes.
This is a really lovely time of year, the buds are coming out, leaves are just turning green and the world is awakening from it's winter hibernation. During yesterdays walk we stopped countless times just to admire natures handiwork. Just taking the time to look at how the leaves are tightly enfurled in the bud, and a little further along the branch another bud has burst is just incredible.
Another thing is that time is less important (actually it's completely unimportant really) and having time is a special gift. It opens you mind to memories and thoughts that you don't have time for normally.
I have so much to be thankful for. Far more than I can put down here, but I'm one of that blessed generation of "Baby boomers" born just after the war. I was born too late to serve in Malaya, Cyprus and Suez, and too early to have to face the Iraq chaos. Just being the age I am is pretty amazing. Then I have my wonderful family. I'm saying nothing about them, because I've said plenty already. All in all, I have very few regrets.
The one major regret is this: I wish with all my heart that I'd never started smoking. I know there is nothing worse than a reformed smoker, but it's just so true. I don't know if all my health problems have been caused by smoking, but I do know that if I hadn't smoked then I'd be a lot better of than I am now - in every way. I sat down the other day and worked out how much I was spending on fags per week, before I stopped. I'd done it before, after all it was one of the reasons I did stop, but it's a mind blowing figure just the same.
I kidded myself that I was only smoking twenty a day, but in reality I bet it was nearer forty. Even if we take the lower figure, twenty Benson and Hedges now cost more than £5.50. Now multiply that by 7 days gives you £38.50 - a week! bearing in mind I've been smoking for more than 40 years I must have spent thousands on suicide on the easy payment plan. My smoke money has paid for several holidays since I stopped in 2003. I know what I'd rather spend my money on!
This is a really lovely time of year, the buds are coming out, leaves are just turning green and the world is awakening from it's winter hibernation. During yesterdays walk we stopped countless times just to admire natures handiwork. Just taking the time to look at how the leaves are tightly enfurled in the bud, and a little further along the branch another bud has burst is just incredible.
Another thing is that time is less important (actually it's completely unimportant really) and having time is a special gift. It opens you mind to memories and thoughts that you don't have time for normally.
I have so much to be thankful for. Far more than I can put down here, but I'm one of that blessed generation of "Baby boomers" born just after the war. I was born too late to serve in Malaya, Cyprus and Suez, and too early to have to face the Iraq chaos. Just being the age I am is pretty amazing. Then I have my wonderful family. I'm saying nothing about them, because I've said plenty already. All in all, I have very few regrets.
The one major regret is this: I wish with all my heart that I'd never started smoking. I know there is nothing worse than a reformed smoker, but it's just so true. I don't know if all my health problems have been caused by smoking, but I do know that if I hadn't smoked then I'd be a lot better of than I am now - in every way. I sat down the other day and worked out how much I was spending on fags per week, before I stopped. I'd done it before, after all it was one of the reasons I did stop, but it's a mind blowing figure just the same.
I kidded myself that I was only smoking twenty a day, but in reality I bet it was nearer forty. Even if we take the lower figure, twenty Benson and Hedges now cost more than £5.50. Now multiply that by 7 days gives you £38.50 - a week! bearing in mind I've been smoking for more than 40 years I must have spent thousands on suicide on the easy payment plan. My smoke money has paid for several holidays since I stopped in 2003. I know what I'd rather spend my money on!
Thursday 6 March 2008
Back to the docs
I had to revisit my GP this morning. The infection along my chest woud still hasn't cleared up. I have a feeling that it's fading a little, but it's only marginal, if at all. She examined me again and prescribed more antibiotics which I shall take as required. One thing has been ruled out, MRSA. I'm grateful for that. I'm not sure how I'd go on if I got the dreaded MRSA as well as all this other stuff.
I'm still a bit sore and achy from yesterdays drive, but I'm not as down as I was yesterday. Its a strange thing how we just expect out bodies to recover in a a few weeks from what has been major surgery, but we do. Or at least I do
I'm still a bit sore and achy from yesterdays drive, but I'm not as down as I was yesterday. Its a strange thing how we just expect out bodies to recover in a a few weeks from what has been major surgery, but we do. Or at least I do
Wednesday 5 March 2008
My first drive.
Well, having being given my head by Mr Choudrhi yesterday, I decided to take us both out for a short drive today. I can't believe what hard work driving is!
For a guy who would thnk nothing of driving a couple of hundred miles just to get a photo of something I was totally knackered when we got home after a run of maybe 15 miles. My chest hurt where the seat belt had rubbed on it, my arms ached with turning the wheel and my ears ached from hearing Marg saying "Don't do too much!" The thing is, that I drive for a living. I only drive a light van, but even that requires more, much more, than I have to give at present. It feels really strange, but no doubt I'll find my feet again - soon I hope.
So having done the test drive we returned home. I went for a lie down and promptly fell fast asleep for nearly two hours! I can just see that going down well on the delivery front!
For a guy who would thnk nothing of driving a couple of hundred miles just to get a photo of something I was totally knackered when we got home after a run of maybe 15 miles. My chest hurt where the seat belt had rubbed on it, my arms ached with turning the wheel and my ears ached from hearing Marg saying "Don't do too much!" The thing is, that I drive for a living. I only drive a light van, but even that requires more, much more, than I have to give at present. It feels really strange, but no doubt I'll find my feet again - soon I hope.
So having done the test drive we returned home. I went for a lie down and promptly fell fast asleep for nearly two hours! I can just see that going down well on the delivery front!
Tuesday 4 March 2008
The six week check up
It's hard to believe that it's now six weeks since I had the op. It's certainly been an experience that has left it's impression on me, some good, some bad - but mainly good I think it's fair to say.
I always get a bit tense when I have to see the doctor, I suppose it's just the way I am, and today was no exception. I spent most of yesterday moping around, snarling at people and being a general pain in the proverbial. Like I say, I don't do it intentionally, but when I'm a bit stressed - well everyone knows it! So I'm using this little bit to apologise to Marg and the others. One day you'll be able to get you own back on me.
So, on to the the results: Mr Choudrhi seems fairly pleased with me. Its come as a bit of a relief to be able to write this, but I seem to be pretty average. I'm now walking for roughly a mile-and-half most days, and I can now step this up a little. My cuts are healing pretty well, although the infection in my chest wound causes a little concern - not much, I hasten to add. The pain varies with the days, sometimes it's almost none existent, others it's there all the time. Again I seem to be fairly average in this too. I have to be careful about lifting weights, so I guess the Olympics in Beijing are out, but then I wasn't that keen on going to China. I suppose the biggest thing to come out of the check-up is Mr Choudrhi's decision that I am fit enough to drive again. There's no doubt that this is a major step forward. I am a 50,000 mile a year man, and frankly not having a steering wheel in my hands feels pretty strange. I haven't really missed driving, but somehow I felt incomplete not being able to. In fact, I've quite enjoyed being chauffered around (though I 've walked to most places), but it will be nice to get back on the road again.
I'm looking forward to getting back to work, though I fear it may be some time before I'm allowed to do the lifting required by the job. Possibly at the end of this sick certificate I can maybe do some light duties, but we'll have to see what the medics say. Until then I'll just keep on truckin' doing my walking and taking the pills until I feel better. It's been a long road somehow. In many ways it's been twenty years long, but as the old saying goes, "It's a long road that has no turning", I think my turning is coming up
I always get a bit tense when I have to see the doctor, I suppose it's just the way I am, and today was no exception. I spent most of yesterday moping around, snarling at people and being a general pain in the proverbial. Like I say, I don't do it intentionally, but when I'm a bit stressed - well everyone knows it! So I'm using this little bit to apologise to Marg and the others. One day you'll be able to get you own back on me.
So, on to the the results: Mr Choudrhi seems fairly pleased with me. Its come as a bit of a relief to be able to write this, but I seem to be pretty average. I'm now walking for roughly a mile-and-half most days, and I can now step this up a little. My cuts are healing pretty well, although the infection in my chest wound causes a little concern - not much, I hasten to add. The pain varies with the days, sometimes it's almost none existent, others it's there all the time. Again I seem to be fairly average in this too. I have to be careful about lifting weights, so I guess the Olympics in Beijing are out, but then I wasn't that keen on going to China. I suppose the biggest thing to come out of the check-up is Mr Choudrhi's decision that I am fit enough to drive again. There's no doubt that this is a major step forward. I am a 50,000 mile a year man, and frankly not having a steering wheel in my hands feels pretty strange. I haven't really missed driving, but somehow I felt incomplete not being able to. In fact, I've quite enjoyed being chauffered around (though I 've walked to most places), but it will be nice to get back on the road again.
I'm looking forward to getting back to work, though I fear it may be some time before I'm allowed to do the lifting required by the job. Possibly at the end of this sick certificate I can maybe do some light duties, but we'll have to see what the medics say. Until then I'll just keep on truckin' doing my walking and taking the pills until I feel better. It's been a long road somehow. In many ways it's been twenty years long, but as the old saying goes, "It's a long road that has no turning", I think my turning is coming up
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