This and that

I’m feeling slightly guilty at the moment. I’m glad to hear that my new found friend in Toronto, Peter, is doing well after his op, how I wish it were over for me too! haven’t posted anything to the blog and one or two things have happened. On the Monday after our return from holiday I had another meeting with my GP. She seems to be gradually stepping up the dose of one of the tablets, apparently they want me on to 20 mg a day by the time of the op.

I’ve been really worried about the words that my daughter and I exchanged on holiday. I feel it spoiled every ones week and I feel pretty bad about it. I invited al the family for tea and a chat yesterday and I think the air was cleared pretty well. One of the problems seems to have been that the kids have never really seen me when I’m having a rough time, and it frightened them both. It’s not surprising really, as I always try to hide it from them to avoid them worrying. Now both of them are grown up, though, maybe it’s time to change.

We do what we do from the best of intentions, but sometimes get it completely wrong. As I was labouring up that hill from the hotel both of my children (why is there no word for adult children – at least none that I know) saw how I struggled for the first time. Both were upset, but neither wanted to spoil the holiday either. We had all looked forward to it for a long time, but after talking to them all last night I know a few tears were shed about me, so I tried to explain to them both last night.

I think I got somewhere and I’m pretty sue the kids are ok with the idea of it now. Both were unsure about the difference between Angina and a heart attack, so I explained. I also took advantage to try to say the things I want to say to all my loved ones at the same time. It got a little emotional, but at least they are said and if the worst should happen everyone knows how much they mean to me. It’s strange how some things become really important to one, even though we normally take things for granted