I went to the theatre last night with my family. Isn't it strange how before we have children we can't imagine what it's like and moments after they are born we can't remember life without them? Our two have always been the biggest things in our lives (I'm speaking for my wife too because I know, but she feels just as I do over this), and going out with them is a treat I always look forward to. ofcourse they are grown up now. My daughter is 31 and my son 25.
The only thing that raises any doubts in my mind about having the op is that my daughter gets married next year. She's marrying a lad who I both admire and like enormously, and who I know will treat her well and look after her as he should. But I simply HAVE to walk her down the aisle. If there is any doubt on that, well she'd be disappointed, and I'd be heartbroken!
It's funny really, while the actual operation is in the future and I have no date to work on it seems almost unreal. I laid last night wondering how I would feel on the night before the op. No doubt I'll be a bit nervous, scared maybe, but I'd go through with it. After all the two worst possibities are to die during the op or to wind up sitting in the corner of the nursing home, dribbling from the side of the mouth and having some young person looking after me. Both of these are pretty unlikely but could possibly happen.
Actually the thought of dying doesn't really worry me, after all what better way is there to go than being cared for by experts and drifting off into a painless sleep that you just don't wake up from? So that doesn't worry me. The thought of missing out on the family does though. I'd hate to miss my daughters wedding - or my sons for that matter, as soon as he decides that it's his turn.
There are so many things that we want to live to see. I remember wishing I could see my little girl (as she was then) growing up, and fearing that I wouldn't make it to do so. How we change as we go through life. Now I really want - almost need - to see my first grandchild I remember being told that I'd be lucky to see 50 and that my heart was in the same position as that of someone aged 65 (I was 40 at the time so now it must be that of an 85 year old eh!), yet here I am, still kicking and still enjoying life - at least so far
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Hi Verb!
You're lucky your kids want to be seen with you! My boys are 18 and 20, and at this point, don't really care to hang out with mom and dad.
Everything you're going through has got to be scary and thought-provoking! Thanks for sharing a little of it with us.
~Jamie
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